American Dreamer
by Benton Sen

“Currents” (2) of (4) by Claudia Johnson. From the collection of Four Seasons Resort Maui at Wailea.
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Suyin stands on her lānai, studying the crest of
the tide, watching it move in and out of her life. She lives alone in a house that stands watch
over the southern tip of ‘Ewa Beach on the island of O‘ahu. She wears a loose housedress.
Threads are unraveling, the material has become
worn and frayed. Suyin brushes her fingers against the
garment, gently rubbing the tattered edges back in
place, not as an act of concealing, but to embrace what
has endured the passage of time.
A light ocean breeze caresses her face, blowing wisps
of gray hair across her brow. The morning wind is
seducing her, carrying with it the scent of seaweed and
brine mixed in with the sweet fragrance of fallen
plumeria and gardenia flowers that have been tossed
about her yard. She drapes a wool sweater over her
shoulders and slides her tiny feet into rubber slippers,
protecting them from the cold linoleum floor. She
stares straight ahead, eyes piercing the gauzy screen, as
if to memorize what lies beyond the door.
The years have ravaged her home. Salt air has stripped
the paint from the surface of her house, leaving behind
patches of decay. Most of her yard, arid and parched,
has been reclaimed by the sea.
It is dawn, and together, she and Melissa are gazing
at the ocean, studying its movements. She has her arm
around Melissa’s shoulder, as if to draw her closer to
things she does not yet understand. The water is beckoning,
the tide, gently pulling.
“Kan jian ma?” she says, whispering. Then again, this
time in English: “Do you see?” Melissa looks but her
eyes betray her. There is nothing for her but the shifting
hues of the waves, from black to cobalt blue, then
black again. In the distance, she sees a shaft of early
morning light pulling back the darkness. She does not
see what Suyin sees.

“Ascending Angel, Green” by GeorgeWoollard. From the collection of Four Seasons Resort Maui at Wailea.
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“Over there,” Suyin tells her, pointing. “Kan.” Look.
Still, there is nothing.
Suyin does not ask again. She opens the door held in
place by two rusted hinges. She breathes in, filling up
on the salt air. Melissa looks at Suyin, ready for what is
being offered.
“Girl walking on waves, float across water,” Suyin says, making undulating motions with her hands.
“Nu hai ku le”—the girl weeps. She is suffering.
“Ta hen tong ku,” Suyin turns to the shore and casts
her glance out, as if to summon an apparition being
pulled from the past. This is the story she tells:
Years ago, a Chinese family rode the crest of opportunity
from the Pearl River Delta all the way to Honolulu.
Tai Lee, the father, was a poor immigrant from a
small village in Guangdong who possessed a five-year
labor contract and an unshakable belief in Providence.
He interpreted divine intervention as the promise of
work on the ‘Ewa Sugar Plantation and the blessing of
a beautiful young daughter who would draw rich suitors
who could lift him from the cane fields and deliver
him from his present station.
Tai Lee, like the rest of the laborers, lived with his
family in one of the plantation houses provided as part
of his contract. Though simple and efficient, it had the
sort of comforts one did not find back in Guangdong:
two bedrooms, a parlor, a small kitchen and a toilet and
washroom that were separate from the main house.
Pots of boiled chickens raised in backyards steamed
over wood fires behind the houses. Nights were lit by
kerosene lanterns, positioned sparingly about the rooms.
And since there was no sewer system, water was pumped
into the houses through pipes from an irrigation ditch,
then drained into another one just outside their doors.
Rain occasionally rinsed the fields after they had been
fertilized, so disease was something that also flowed
through the plantation.
None of the houses were enclosed with fences or
walls or had a division of any kind. Each house was
guarded by a camaraderie that allowed neighbors to
revel in the precocious noises of children’s games filtering
from yard to yard and the loose sound of laughter
drifting from one home to the next.
On warm summer evenings, the men would sit outside,
silently contemplating a day spent cutting stalks, burning their harvest, then loading the remains onto
railroad cars hauled away on steel tracks laid by hand.
They would nod to each other from their own porches,
tipping straw hats they still wore out of habit, acknowledging
the passing of another day, as the fading light
slipped slowly behind their fields.
There were no locks on any doors and none were
required.What secured their bond was a community of
trust that had developed among this fraternity of brothers
that had left China and arrived here with a single
belief in tow: They had all come with empty pockets
and heads brimming with ideas, convinced they were
taking up residence behind plantation doors where they
believed opportunity was knocking. This faith gave them
a solidarity so impervious, if they were to return home
and find cans of sardines missing or their hoes suddenly
pilfered, they would not suspect that a betrayer was
in their midst. These weren’t the belongings that needed
protecting. What they guarded, instead, was a bond
that permitted them to silently share in the misery of
those who had had to carry hardship with them across
the ocean. They believed wherever their articles turned
up was where they were needed most. And they would
wait for the moment when everyone could rally around
the sweetness promised by the cane fields, forever
washing away the bitterness left by a way of living that
was no longer theirs.
But Tai Lee, eager to reap another benefit accorded
by plantation life, lived by another credo that separated
him from his brothers and sent him reeling back to the
past. A staunch believer in tradition where his daughter
and money were concerned, he reverted to the ritual of
arranged marriages, consulting a woman known around
the plantation as a moonlighter who specialized in
ladies-in-waiting. Unlike him, this marriage broker, also
known around the plantation simply as Qiao, never saw
her profit from these endeavors as a financial one. Her
compensation came from the satisfaction of being an
agent of love, responsible for giving the forces of attraction
a gentle push.
Occasionally, Qiao could be found in Tai Lee’s house
discussing affairs of the heart, sipping ginseng tea poured
by Suyin, his wife and accomplice in these matters.
The object of their attention, Meili, their daughter,
would sit with her eyes in her lap, listening silently
while a stranger planned a future in which she would
have no voice.
“Finding right man very important,” Qiao once said.
“As we say in China, doors and windows should match.”
“But we not in China now,” Tai Lee told her. “Only
thing need matching is the bride price I could get for
her back in Guangdong.” He brushed his fingers across
Meili’s cheek, as if to assess her value. “Nine hundred
yuan,” he boasted, “six hundred dollars.”
Meili, in appearance, had the demeanor of a child
not yet touched by life and her eyes, when not cast
downward and fastened to the floor, sparked with an
awareness that made her privy to the shady compromise
that had befallen this child of fifteen.
Her flight from innocence began the moment she
heard Qiao’s voice again.
“I think I have match you like. Rich florist from
Nuūanu, family own many flower shops. Man name
Walter Pang.”
As if to delay her arrival into a world of complicity,
Meili slowly looked up at her father, expecting to see an
expression of weightless abandon. Instead, she saw a
man lost in the shrewdness of his own thoughts.
In his mind, Tai Lee saw himself opening up negotiations,
delivering a list to the Pang family in exchange
for his daughter’s hand: six hundred dollars for the
marriage, three hundred dollars for the privilege of the
engagement, eight dollars for every year of Meili’s life, a
gold ring for the memory of his dead mother. He pictured
Suyin rummaging through all the cupboards,
inspecting pots and pans, checking for silver, adding up
the inventory.
When Tai Lee told Qiao of the wheels spinning in his
head that would transport his family to a better life, she
told him he was right. They weren’t in China anymore.
There would be no rummaging, no gold ring.
“I make introduction, but that is all,” Qiao said.
“After that, we let fate do the rest.”
She told him if Walter Pang asked for a second meeting
then he would get his bride price, but nothing more.
Meili, however, would get the lifelong security that she
and Providence were arranging for her.
But Tai Lee, overtaken by the thoughts whirling
inside himself, was convinced that his daughter’s destiny
would not be hers alone. He decided, if needed, he
would give Providence his guiding hand. The machinery
in his mind continued to grind away, evoking
visions that included neither the ‘Ewa Sugar Plantation
nor his own two hands leathered by a machete.
He saw himself as the eventual manager of the Pang
Flower Shops, stringing together a new life. He would
send barefooted boys through the streets of Nuūanu
carrying delivery boxes lined with orchids, fill orders
for maile lei twisted with pīkake, supervise a back room
of chattering women sewing strands of red carnations
while weaving tales of gossip. Tai Lee closed his eyes,
allowing these thoughts to linger.
Exactly one week later, amid more tea being poured
and the air of anticipation being fanned about the room,
they all sat in silence, awaiting the arrival of Walter
Pang. In preparation, Suyin had unpacked her grandmother’s
porcelain teacups and teapot, which had been
wrapped in old newspaper and buried away in a wooden
trunk ever since their arrival. She spent the morning
exercising the culinary skills she had also brought across
the ocean with her from China, lining her table with
cooked taro wrapped in banana leaves, rice cakes to be
peeled one layer at a time, char siu bao—barbecued pork
in steamed buns, jin dui—golden fried pastries filled
with black beans and rolled into balls.
But the real efforts of her labor shone through her
daughter Meili. She wore a pink cotton dress decorated
with red ribbons tied in bows, sewn by Suyin. It was fastened with pearl buttons up to the collar and gathered
tightly about her bodice to accentuate her youth
and cling to Walter Pang’s imagination. Her hair was
slicked down and pulled tightly in a bun, clasped in
back with a black lacquered barrette and adorned with
a halo of white ginger flowers clipped from their yard.
But no matter how many accessories she was primped
with, under the ornamentation, under all that embellishment,
the painted lips, the pencil lines streaking her
eyes, the mask of powder dusting the façade, she was
still a fifteen-year-old fieldworker’s daughter from a
long line of plain and simple folk.
When Walter Pang finally came calling, he did so
with a stunning bouquet of red roses as evidence of his
sincerity as well as evidence of his stature as owner of
the largest flower shops in Honolulu. Qiao had
revealed nothing more about him than his name and
rank in the local community, and with good reason. He
was neither the worldly tycoon that Tai Lee had imagined
nor the armored knight his wife had hoped for.
Walter Pang was a stodgy, middle-aged man, balding,
past fifty and already twice married. Although not a
handsome man, he was a rich one, and that one fact was
enough to suffice.
He greeted them in tailored trousers neatly pressed
and creased, and a starched white shirt fresh from the
laundry, matching the seriousness with which he took this
matter. After introductions were made and Suyin’s dim
sum passed around, Walter Pang sat, and without saying
a word, stared without mercy at the nervous young girl,
who averted her eyes. Then, almost as an act of ceremony,
he placed his left hand over his chest as if tomuffle the
stirring beneath it, and nodded once. Turning to Tai Lee,
at last, in precise English, he said: “You have a pretty
daughter. I would like to meet her again.”
Later, after Walter Pang and Qiao had left and new
arrangements made, the blissful air that now filled the
house was replaced by the sound of laughter wafting
through. Meili, with eyes lifted from her lap, giggled at
the very idea of marriage to a man more than three times
her age. She shook with amusement, and through that
cotton dress, painted face and flower garden crowning
her head, at last revealed herself as the young girl she
really was: a child, stubborn and with a mind of her
own, who saw herself being boxed into the confines of a
loveless marriage prompted by the desires of her father.
He is old, he is ugly, I don’t even like him, Meili told
her father.Walter Pang is rich, you will learn, the arrangements
have been made, were the answers that came.
She shook her head, and as if to unleash a different sort of passion racing through her heart,
screamed thewords of a child: “No, I won’t.”
Then, she ripped the halo of white ginger
from her head and threw it onto the table,
next to the dirty dishes. Tai Lee stared at his
daughter with an expression that spoke
through silence. Suyin, recognizing this
expression, focused her own eyes on a tray
of empty teacups and dirty plates, and
quickly shuffled herself into the kitchen.
Meili, feeling herself nudged by instinct,
followed swiftly behind. Tai Lee,
pushed forward by a blinding rancor, followed
her into the next room. Something
in his head must have pulled him back for
he stood before her, his arms folded rigidly
against his chest, as if to keep what was
in him from leaping out.
“Take off your dress,” he said, his voice
tight and controlled. Then again, this time
shifting his tone, sharper and in Chinese:
“I said take it off.”
Then, he lunged at the pearl buttons,
unfastening them one by one, so that this
dress of soft pink cotton, with red ribbons
tied neatly in bows, was pushed past her
shoulders, yanked over her hips, down her
thighs, until it lay in a crumpled heap on
the linoleum floor. Then he unbuckled his
leather belt and whipped it from the
hoops, causing a snap so sharp it sliced the
air and echoed in his daughter’s imagination.
He tugged at her arm, forcing her flat
onto the kitchen table, then pushed himself
back into the world of the past, across
an ocean, back to the Pearl River Delta, a
man of tradition where his daughter and
money were concerned. In nothing now
but a loose white slip, Meili called out to
Suyin, in the way that children often cry for
their mothers. But this mother drowned
out her daughter’s pleas with the sound of
running water rushing down the kitchen
drain, while clutching a dishrag that grinded
violently against greasy pots and pans.
The first strike fell across the back of
her legs, the red lash rising quickly to form
a welt. The belt came down again, this
time whipping her thighs, then once more,
landing on her stomach so hard and severe
that she recoiled from the pain and could
feel her own hand wrapped tightly over
her mouth. As he raised his hand, the
strap looming high, the machinery in his
mind kept turning and twisting, spurring
him on with red hibiscus and bird-of-paradise
and white plumeria pushed through
needle and thread, prompting, goading,
pulling that belt down, down, down, closer
and closer to that little flower shop on
Nuūanu Street.
The way Suyin tells it, this story would
find its end two days before the wedding
of Meili and Walter Pang. The sounds of
sorrow could not be confined within four
bedroom walls and, many years later, could
still be heard drifting out in the open sea
where waves would ripple every time a
young girl floated gently across the water.
On that day coolly arranged by Providence,
this young fieldworker’s daughter, dressed
in a pink cotton dress sewn by her mother,
walked to the stretch of ocean that watched
over the southern tip of ‘Ewa Beach. On
the exact spot where a house would eventually
stand, battered and ravaged by the
cold salt air, she waded out and offered herself
to the pull of the current. As she surrendered
to the tide, Meili would not be
thinking of Suyin, Qiao or Walter Pang, but
of fate and her slow descent beneath waves
of oblivion.
Years later, after harvests were burned
and hauled away on steel tracks, Tai Lee
could still be seen carrying his machete
and wearing a straw hat. As dusk faded
into night, he would sit on his porch and
watch as the stillness of day sank slowly
behind his fields.
As if pulled from a dream, Suyin looks
out at the ocean and says: “Girl who sank
with the tide,” but before continuing, she
swallows her words, studies the linoleum
floor and whispers to herself: “Meili is my
daughter.”
Melissa is in the kitchen, putting away
dishes. She walks over to Suyin on the
front porch, rests her hands on the handles
of her wheelchair, gazes out at the ocean.
“I love working here, you have such a
beautiful place.” Suyin turns around, looks
past her wheelchair, up at Melissa.
“Just like the brochure said, you are my
companion.”
“Ready for your bath?” Like a child,
Suyin lowers her head and nods. Melissa
wheels Suyin back into the house. The
gauzy screen door with two rusted hinges
slams into place.
Outside, the ocean roars. Waves slam
against the rocks in front of Suyin’s yard,
pulling a little more of her life out into the
sea. In the distance, amid the curtain of mist
being pulled back to reveal the dawn of a
new day, a young girl walks on the waves
and faces the ravaged house of a Chinese
family who rode the crest of opportunity
from the Pearl River Delta, never once forgetting
why they had come.
BENTON SEN, a frequent contributor to SPIRIT OF ALOHA, was the recipient of a Walker Foundation scholarship from the Fine Arts Work Center in Provincetown, Mass., and a writing fellowship from the Vermont Studio Center—both for a memoir in progress. A native of Honolulu, he lives in Waikīkī. |